I think it really time to start revising my notes. Been hardly touching it and tests are round the corner. Saturday night was supposing me going on my weird-rampage of heading out alone. So end up somewhere in town area. Called Hakim and realise he was admitted into the hospital. On the verge of heading down straight but realise visiting hours are over. I will probably get chased out.

Was just aimlessly walking around when I recieved another phonecall. Headed down to arab street. I was sitting at the bar for 1 hour alone, waiting. It just feels weird when you are the only one sitting alone. Finally turns up and we switched to another pub.

Definitely a great night out with bar atmosphere, conversations and laughter. Sunday afternoon head down to the hospital. Hated the environment there. It just bring back ugly memories. It one of the last place I will ever want to visit.

Stayed there for few hours, just chatting. Left with a heavy heart and praying hard that he is going to be alright. I don't know why. But I am really terrified scared that the health test results wont be good. :(

He is the sick one and yet he is being positive. Oh man! I should be positive too. He is definitely going to be alright.


Let take a step at a time. Let nature take it's course. Because for sure, I know am lousy at this.

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

If I have the money now, when the long vacation comes, I will really pack my bag and book a air-ticket. I will just "disappear" off until school resumes. Seeing friends who are travelling around makes me so envious. If there is $$, I really will dare to go alone. But before that, I will probably take a crash-course on some self-defence. Oh well..stop dreaming. Back to reality.

Invited to a birthday party by Ryan on both Friday and Saturdays at Odeon Towers. I am really tempted to go on Saturday but just being skeptical about the environment. Mainly because I hate those super loud-no-meaning songs that are being played in clubs. Never been to Odeon Towers, so I am not sure of the environment. Shall make up my mind tomorrow.

Saw myself skipping my afternoon lecture today. I was thinking if I should skip during the morning lecture and tutorials. As afternoon came on, I decided I shall skip for the first time since school resume. Supposed to head to Jurong Point. But end up going home. Just in time as it started rain heavily. A good lunch with my sister and off to a nap after that. There was this bliss, lazy feeling of skipping lecture and catching a good nap with such nice weather. SHIOK.

It time to hit back to the exercise regime. Been eating unhealthy food and not going for exercise. Surprising, the weight has yet to shoot up. Is it a good thing or there is something wrong with the scale. Oh well. Haha. :)

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

The best weekend since school resumed weeks ago. Sat evening was in town with the girls. Supposing not meeting them since I thought I already had a prior date set way before pearlyn told me about the gathering. But end up it was cancel last minute. So rushed down to town to meet them for a short while.

It been ages since I met them and ages since I last went on an all-girls outing. But I end up only staying for awhile? oh man! Organize another one, someone pls..Haha. It been quite a while since I met them and I realise something. All of them have grown up and becoming more pretty. Really. I swear. Gone are the nerdy looks all of us used to have back then. Time flies. :)

So anyway, after that head down to Holland Village to meet Adrian. I had a super hillarious time with him. Cocktails, snacks & beers. Plus lengthy conversation just made up for the lousy mood I was having intially. I remembered he mentioned *something about him and someone that made me burst out laughing intially. It was just that I couldnt imagine! Oh well. Such a baddie that I am. But anyway, I hope you sort your thoughts out and think what is it that you want. :)

Sunday plan was to stay home, slack and then out for a jog. But halfway through watching tv, I recieved a phonecall from yoann. So met up with him at Vivo for drink and dinner. Afterwhich was off to cityhall area. He told me about the scenary at Swisshotel at the 70th storey. All along I assumed that only guests of the hotel are allowed to enter. So I was really WOW when I saw the scenary from the 70th storey.

It was just so amazing! We wanted to head to the bar there to have a look. But dresscode was strictly no slippers and both of us were dress casually. Oh well. But I swear the scenary was great! 70th storey! Saw a couple of hotel staff, western females. Even though I myself is a female, my thoughts were going like " wow! They are pretty & hot!". Really. Haha.

Bus home from city hall after that. It was definitely a great night out with the hillarious conversation and stuff.

:)

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

Weekends are here again! I must be either mad or just plain crazy. I had an invitation to go to some Halloween Party at a club. But I turned it down. So I end up going for a run which ended in me running in the rain. Afterwhich was off to hawker centre for dinner alone. But it just that I dislike going to clubs. What with those super packed places and ultra loud music with people shaking or tempting to dance away. I remembered turning down F1 tickets too. Because I deem it too noisy and super packed. Let just say I am crazy.

School is just one word to describe it = boring! Let rewind back to last weekend. Saw me over at Vivo with Sandy. Caught a movie "The hurt locker." It was a funny-gore-violence movie. Worth watching. Had my first bite at bakerinz. I swear their dessert is totally mouth-watering but kind of expensive though. Had a fun time, what with all the rubbish we came up with.

Thursday saw me over at Vivo AGAIN. Head there with Sandy after school. Waited for Remy. When his call came through, I had a pretty hard time understanding him. With the background noise and his English Accent. I gave up understanding and passed the phone to Sandy. Apparently, Sandy could understand. Communication was not an issue when we were talking face-to-face. But over the phone, it was like bullet train. He is from Holland, which explains about the accent.

Along came Yoann, Remy's friend from France. The more I hang out with these bunch of people, the better my English will improve. Really, I will be speaking perfect English soon and not Singlish! Thick french accent which just made me concentrate hard on what he was saying. I had an awesome time on thursday with these bunch of people. It made it all better with the sudden decision to head to sentosa at night. Jokes, crap and random conversation just made my night.

Seriously, I envy the two people. Remy and Daniel. One is backpacking round South East Asian, the other just head off to Borneo for a month. Pictures on their facebook just made me all the more jealous. Oh man! Wish I could do that too. :( It alright! March will be here before I know it!

March trip was supposing only a couple of people joining me. But somehow now it turns out more people are interested. Awesome. :)

Pictures will be up on facebook soon!

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

I guess I only had myself to blame for. Missing by that short margin of what.. 0.1+? Really I think someone should just put a shotgun against my head and pull the trigger. Maybe that slim chance will turn in my direction when miracle happens. Oh well. Whatever it is, I will give it my best shot.

The discussion with one of my lecturer made me somehow open up and accept whatever it is gonna to come in my way. I shall be positive! Firsty day in School was a total bore. I got one lecturer who was sooo long winded. Another one whose attempt at humour just totally bore me to tears, nearly.

A chat with a colleague on Sunday leds to the topic of what I wanna to do. She said I still have one year plus to think carefully and follow my heart. But one thing for sure, it definitely not Uni in local. I was pondering between an abroad studies if I could get hold of some sort of loan and a job. A job that has it positive and negative side. Positive because of it's benefits and all the travelling. Negative because of the tiredness and tons of politics.

1 years plus to decide. Oh well. Take it slow till then!

A casual chat online. I sense the maturity and independence even at the age of 22. Perhaps it the different upbringing, environment and country. Something I dont see it in local men here, at least not at that young age.

Am I making sense of what I am typing here? Hmm just ignore me yea?

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

Reached Singapore yesterday night. It was an awesome trip filled with beautiful memories. I could say it was a lot more better trip than Thailand. Back with a super dark tone (damn) and rashes on thighs and face. Healing slowly though. It gotta be a long post!

Day one

Sunday morning went through the various checkpoints and took the Malaysia bus from Larkin Terminal. We were the only 2 people on the bus. So the bus driver asked Sandy if it is alright to drive fast. He sure did drive super fast. I was so afraid we were going to get into an accident. But apparently lucky stars were on my side. Reached Mersing ferry pretty fast. Bought a ferry ticket at there to head to Tioman.

Hated the ferry ride because it made me seasick. But thankfully I did not vomit. Supposed to drop us off at Salang Village but we end up at Tekek Village. Got con by the ferry ticket people. Damn. Had to spend extra money to buy another one to head to Salang. Should have been more careful.

So anyway, end up at Salang Village in around afternoon time. Had our lunch at a restaurant. Worst noodle I ever tasted. But we made friends with the local staff at the restaurant. Walked around and when the sun wasnt too strong, off to snorkelling with our new local friend.

Most friends of mine are aware that I can swim. Neither am I a poor swimmer. But don't ask me why. Apparently, half through swimming in the open sea, I lost control of my breathing and was struggling in the water. There wasnt any strong current, neither was I trapped by seaweeds or anything. Sandy said when he was swimming towards me to help me, he saw my face really turned pale. Thank goodness there was him and ahtan (the local guy there). If not I really wonder what would have happened to me. I wasnt wearing any life jacket. After regaining my control, we swam further out.

Swam sorta far from the shore with them. There was this man-made floating bay right smack in the middle of the sea. Lotsa of pretty fishes and corals. One hell of snorkelling experience as compared to that in Thailand. We just sat down on the floating bay and just relax. It was really super relaxing and cooling. There were a couple of french guy beside us and I was telling Sandy how cute and blue their eyes were. He was asking me to ask one of them out for dinner. Tempted to but apparently I am still kinda of shy.

Day two

It pretty much the same things. We saw these beautiful resorts high up on the hill. So we decided to climb up and have a look. But turned out, it was an abandoned place. Local people told us that the project was aborted because the government did not approve the final stages due to safety and plumbing issues. We wanted to check out the rooms and stuff. But at the bottom of this abandoned resort, we realised the structure did not look stable. If it collapsed suddenly, we will be rolling down from the hill !

so the day was basically spent relaxing byt the beach, talking to the locals and more snorkelling in the evening. Hit the pub for 3 consecutive days. 2nd day was a totally awesome experience. Tioman might be a quiet island but this pub was definitely not quiet. Loud, nice music, cheap drinks and nice companions just made the night. Never like the loud music and dancing, but in Tioman pub it was a totally different experience.

But local people were taking those Gangjia (a mild drug). Nothing addictive or too harmful. But I just have a big things against drug and a small thing against ciagrette. So I was really careful with our drinks and was fed up with Sandy when he decided to try a bit. Thankfully, he did not try it on the third day!

Day 3

We spoke to one of the fisherman to ferry us across to the main village. I did not want to book through the tour boat agency for they charge a ridiculous high price! It lot more expensive than me taking taxi from Jurong to Changi! Tekek is the main village. So from Salang it only takes about 10-15 minutes by boat. The fisherman agree and charge us a lower rate. Even waited for us. So afternoon was spent walking through the village, kampung. Much whilsting from the local guys.

I was in my tanktop and swimsuit bottom. After those persistent whilsting, even though Sandy was beside me, I still felt uncomfortable. So I wrap myself up in a kind of bare-back sarong. Sun was sorching hot, don expect me to dress up like the locals! But end up even females and males started looking, probably because of the bright colour. Haha.

In the evening, was another snorkelling. Left the sea after just a pretty short while. It was zero visibility. I couldnt see anything way past my own fingers in the underwater. Our body were covered with salt when we came up. We didnt feel safe with such water condition so stopped snorkelling. There are all sorts of underwater creatures so with zero visibility, it like courting death. Sandy said the previous day that he encounter a sea urchin (those sharp spikes around their body) swimming super close to his stomach.

So basically, Tioman has nothing much to do. But it is a get-away island. Beautiful, clear crystal water. Just ignore the sand which is like ewww. Thailand;krabi island has totally white sand. Those were the paradise. Supposing to go on this trip alone. But last min there were 2 people going. Even last min, one person cannot make it. Which left me and Sandy to go.

Told myself that on this trip I needa to sort out my thoughts and think really clearly. Felt as though I have lost my goals and aspiration. Aimlessly doing what I was just supposed to do. The empty feeling couple with the unhappiness just did me in. I supposed I did sort my thoughts out. The last night in Tioman, the dinner with Daniel (Sandy disappear off claiming to give us two some quality time together. Haha. A German friend who is backpacking around Asia.) kinda made me think of what it is that I really want. His story and experience while backpacking were pretty interesting.

Let just say I had an awesome travelling companion who was a perfect gentleman and a mother hen. Who took care of me along the trip. Without him, I doubt this trip would have been safe. I made new friends and made me realised again that, to never judge a book by its cover. I accquired a wonderful friend by the name of SANDY Tan! There was one moment I was really being a total bitch with the callous words out of my mouth. But the trip also made me realise to cherish this wonderful friend-schoolmate and all the memories!

Had lotsa of fun playing with local kids too. Next trip is in March holiday! One friend is more or less confirmed going. Good! Gotta save up $$. At the same time, just wanna say I just a wee short step from saving up to pay off my school fees loan! Whosh~! Anyone interested in travelling, ask me for destination and details !

This post is getting kinda of super long. Pictures are up in facebook!

When I mentioned about having to really think through, I was refering to what I want to do in life. Majority of us went through high school then on to Tetiary or Army. Afterwhich was striving to look for the best paid job and aim for luxury cars and homes. Hoping to earn big bucks and making big names in their career.

I see my sister going through University Education. I see myself struggling through Polytechnic life. Not because of academics but because of the people I met. We all went throught this process as though it is a norm and without doing all these, you are a big failure. Initally, I have the aim of getting to a good University. Graduating and earning big bucks. Just like what my mother expected of me.

But someone once told me that you only have a chance to live. University was never my aim. In fact I do not know what to do after Poly. But because it is my mother's wish and wanting to fulfill her dreams of being rich. yesh, I want to be rich. Who don't? But do I necessarily have to make myself unhappy and went through Uni, even though I have no fruit-ing idea what is it that I want to take.

Somehow during the last day of trip, I realised it time I do what I want to do. No doubt I will upset my mother but somehow I believe she could stop working after I completed Poly. I do not wish to go on to University immediately. I wanna to travel and work in other countries. Not necessarily work relating to my course of study. In fact, I will like those with zero relation. I wanna to travel and work in other countries and support my mother at the same time.

Few years in overseas, working and travelling. Visiting my mother, giving her money, fulfilling my wander lust, seeing the world and at the same time owe my own property, earning rental money from it. Probably after all these, I will go on to University.

I shudder at the thought of doing what majority of the people in Singapore are doing. I do not want those kind of lifestyle. Let just say I am different. These are just thoughts and goals. But who knows it will change after I graduate?

In the midst of studying and competing, fierce competition; do they ever stop and wonder if that is what they really want? Doesnt it get kind of tiring and boring?

I am just wondering my mother's reaction after I graduate and I tell her I have no wish to go on to Uni immediately. But somehow I can already predict. Sometimes we cant always abide by people's wish. Then again, there will be people telling me why not just complete Uni first and then do what you want to do. But problem is, Uni education aint cheap. If I complete a degree and realise at the end, that isnt what I want. Won't that be a pity and total waste?

The time will come when I realise what it is that I really want to do. But then again, have a couple of thoughts. Just don't laugh. Travelling and having my own dessert-cafe shop that sell marvellous cakes, ice cream, drinks etc made by myself. Hmm..let just say I am bonkers alright?

School starting soon. Already I am looking forward to March Holidays. 3 more semester to go and I am done with Poly. When the time comes and I look back, people ask me what is it that makes it most memorable. I will say it the friendship forage with schoolmates from different courses, different age and background!

May your light shine...
in the darkness...

Even the thought of heading to Tioman tomorrow does not do any good for my mood. Maybe like what someone said, I am giving myself too much pressure. WHy not just slow down and enjoy what is present. There will come a time when it is my turn. But it harder to do so than say. I wish I wont allow such thoughts to spoil my mood.

Rather than having such pend up negative emotions, I will welcome all those BGR problems instead. It is so much more easier to deal with BGR problems rather than these! For the next 4 days in Tioman, I needa to sort out my thoughts. Tell myself not to pressure myself. And enjoy myself over there. RIGHT.

I am speaking in riddles, aint I? But there is just this unspeakable super-ultra-duper down feelings in me. In short, holidays aint been that great. Definitely not looking forward to school either. It not the thought of studying but it the thought of stiff competition and the way how some people's mind & heart work. Oh well.

Nothing going well and this is shitty.

Oh well. Alright. Early morning heading off to take bus. Back on Wednesday.Tioman, here I come!! :)

May your light shine...
in the darkness...